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~shewolfyouko:iconshewolfyouko:

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  • Status: Member
  • Pornographic Connoisseur
  • Female/United States
  • Offline for 4d 1h 44m 2s
  • Deviant since Oct 19, 2007, 6:53 PM
  • 14 Deviations
  • 6 Scraps [browse]
  • 9 Deviation Comments
  • 9 Deviant Comments
  • 391 Pageviews

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Journal Entry: Sun Mar 9, 2008, 6:05 PM
I haven't had this feeling in a while and I would only have this feeling when I was lonely...it rather bothers me really to feel like this because I wish I knew what it was

The best way I can explain it is detachment. I walk around the house and feel like I'm not really me. I'm not in my body and I'm really just looking in on someone else's life. It isn't my own and I have no function but to just merely be there as a watcher.

On top of that my research paper is due tomorrow and I haven't even started it...I don't know what I'm going to do.

I'm in such a weird rut thinking is out of the question. I don't know if I feel good or bad, happy or sad. I just don't know anything. No feeling...nothing

I used to cut myself the most years ago when I felt like this because I didn't really feel the pain or feel anything at all from it. It just...I don't know.

That's all I can say right now. I don't know. Why am I here? I talk to my mom about trivial things...no real feeling in anything I speak about or any feeling in the activity of speaking to my mother, but just to have a conversation, just to add some dialogue to this story I feel like I'm watching.

Now when I tell this journal entry to submit...am I assuming? Supposing that someone will read it? Maybe someone out there knows how this feels and can tell me how to tune back into myself or how to tune out entirely. I don't feel like this is right...to not feel the genuine connection of yourself to your body...it's just not there. What does that mean? Do I not belong? This thought doesn't stir any emotion in me. Should it? I'm confused slightly but the thoughts running in my head have just congealed into one white mass. The contrast of white on white has left me in this weird blankness of thought.

But this begs me to wonder. Why do I feel like this again all of a sudden? Did I reach such a zenith of stress that my mind booted me out to save myself from personal destruction on some level unknown to myself?

I'm not going to hurt myself after this, there is no point to it. I'm not going to do anything really but try to start my research paper. But still...why now? This only used to happen to me when I was alone for long periods of time when I was a child. I remember just sitting outside surrounded by trees and just not feeling in tune with anything, completely out...

So...when I submit this journal and assume the reader, being you now, in whatever space time you may be taking up at this moment. What do you think of me now? I need help? I need to just forget about it or snap out of it? Maybe so...just maybe...

  • Mood: Neutral
  • Listening to: Trance
  • Reading: About psychokinesis
  • Watching: the cogs in my brain
  • Playing: with my ideas
  • Eating: Cookies and Cream icecream
  • Drinking: Pepsi

Devious Information

  • Current Age: 18
  • Current Residence: Texas
  • Interests: Art, music, anime/manga, movies, the supernatural
  • Favourite movie: Fight Club
  • Favourite band or musician: Too many to list
  • Favourite genre of music: Currently: Speedcore. But I truely love all genres of music
  • Favourite artist: My friends
  • Favourite poet or writer: My friends
  • Favourite photographer: My friends
  • Favourite style of art: The one that's the prettiest
  • Operating System: Windows XP
  • MP3 player of choice: I love my 80G Video iPod
  • Shell of choice: Turtle!
  • Wallpaper of choice: Webshots is god
  • Skin of choice: Human flesh P:
  • Favourite game: Currently: Legend of the Dragoon for PS1
  • Favourite gaming platform: Sony PS2 and Nintendo Wii
  • Favourite cartoon character: ATM: Muraki from Yami no Matsuei
  • Personal Quote: Don't fuck with me, I fuck back
  • Tools of the Trade: BiC pen, inking pen and a mechanical pencil

deviantART Notice

Devious Comments

~Fantasyfan101:iconFantasyfan101: May 15, 2008, 7:13:36 PM
[link]

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I am Meta-Knight on DA's SSBB crew ->[link]
~Fantasyfan101:iconFantasyfan101: May 15, 2008, 7:13:24 PM
heres another thing that will make you lol :rofl:

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I am Meta-Knight on DA's SSBB crew ->[link]
~Fantasyfan101:iconFantasyfan101: May 3, 2008, 11:23:43 AM Mood: Humor
heres that vid i was talking about


[link]

:D

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I am Meta-Knight on DA's SSBB crew ->[link]
~Fantasyfan101:iconFantasyfan101: Apr 19, 2008, 9:57:40 AM
check this out -> [link]

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Realaty SUX XP
~Fantasyfan101:iconFantasyfan101: Jan 23, 2008, 3:24:15 PM
hey check this plce out you might like it -> [link]

hehehe :devilish:

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Realaty SUX XP
~Fantasyfan101:iconFantasyfan101: Jan 20, 2008, 12:57:28 PM Mood: Humor
/l、
(゚、 。 7
 l、 ~ヽ
 じしf_, )ノ Meow ?

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Realaty SUX XP
~Fantasyfan101:iconFantasyfan101: Dec 25, 2007, 10:32:17 PM
hi its me agind just here to say

Merry Christmas ! ^^
¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨★
¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨**
¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨*o*
¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨*♥*o*
¨¨¨¨¨¨¨***o***
¨¨¨¨¨¨**o**♥*o*
¨¨¨¨¨**♥**o**o**
¨¨¨¨**o**♥***♥*o*
¨¨¨*****♥*o**o****
¨¨**♥**o*****o**♥**
¨******o*****♥**o***
****o***♥**o***o***♥ *
¨¨¨¨¨____!_!____
¨¨¨¨¨\_________/¨¨¨
~Fantasyfan101:iconFantasyfan101: Dec 10, 2007, 4:25:55 PM
-----PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP-----
-----PPPP--------------PPPPP---
-----PPPP--------------PPPPP---
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-----PPPP-------------------------
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-----OOOOOOOOOOOO--------
---OO--------------------OO-----
--OOO------------------OOO----
--OOO------------------OOO----
--OOO------------------OOO----
--OOO------------------OOO----
--OOO------------------OOO----
--OOO------------------OOO----
---OO--------------------OO-----
-----OOOOOOOOOOOO--------
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-----KKK--------------KKK-----
-----KKK------------KKK-------
-----KKK-----------KKK--------
-----KKK---------KKK----------
-----KKK------KKK-------------
-----KKKKKKKK-----------------
-----KKK------KKK-------------
-----KKK--------KKK-----------
-----KKK----------KKK---------
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-----EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE----
-----EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE----
-----EEEEEE---------------------
-----EEEEEE---------------------
-----EEEEEEEEEEEEE----------
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-----EEEEEE---------------------
-----EEEEEE---------------------
-----EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-----
-----EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-----

^^
~Fantasyfan101:iconFantasyfan101: Dec 7, 2007, 9:49:59 PM
Hi its me. i got all my favs back ^^. i also read your #98, and congats on that. (im going to spend the rest of the night being emo)
~angel-outlaw1:iconangel-outlaw1: Oct 19, 2007, 7:40:15 PM
XD but still just as good as firsts

--
Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

Definition of a teenager: God's punishment for enjoying sex.

"Life is not what it's supposed to be. Its what it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference." - Unknown
~shewolfyouko:iconshewolfyouko: Oct 19, 2007, 7:25:24 PM
Haha, sloppy seconds XD

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Moved from ~YoukoKtulu to here :3
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And I don't believe in god, so I can't be saved
All alone, as I've learned to be, in this mess I have made.
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][.-l-a-s-c-i-v-i-o-u-s-.][
~angel-outlaw1:iconangel-outlaw1: Oct 19, 2007, 7:09:43 PM
wow... that sad that you popped your own cherry ..... SECOND DIBS!

--
Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

Definition of a teenager: God's punishment for enjoying sex.

"Life is not what it's supposed to be. Its what it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference." - Unknown
~shewolfyouko:iconshewolfyouko: Oct 19, 2007, 7:06:49 PM
Testing signature...

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Moved from ~YoukoKtulu to here :3
--
And I don't believe in god, so I can't be saved
All alone, as I've learned to be, in this mess I have made.
--
][.-l-a-s-c-i-v-i-o-u-s-.][
~shewolfyouko:iconshewolfyouko: Oct 19, 2007, 7:00:13 PM Mood: Joy
Popped my own comment cherry :D

--
Moved from ~YoukoKtulu to here :3
--
And I don't believe in god, so I can't be saved
All alone, as I've learned to be, in this mess I have made.
--
][.-l-a-s-c-i-v-i-o-u-s-.][